Natasha Arden loves music, food, sex, clothes (not necessarily in that order) and her boss. Will she find heartache or happiness?
Working for a children’s charity which provides short-term accommodation for troubled teenagers, Tasha loves her job. Settling back into single life, and looking forward to the future, she’s foot-loose and fancy-free with no problems … except for the huge crush she has on her boss. Unable to tell anyone because he’s married, Tasha pours her heart out in the only way she can – in her blog.
Tragedy heralds a series of new beginnings … and some unexpected endings.
This is Tasha’s story – a tale of love, loss, life and lots more – but don’t be misled by the opening chapter. Natasha may write in a chatty, light-hearted way, but her story is not a romantic comedy: she faces moral dilemmas, heartache, and difficult choices. You may laugh with her at times, but you’ll also cry with and for her as she tries to make the best of what life throws her way.
Friday 4 January
New Year, new blog!
I’m not sure who I’m writing this for, but Hayley said on Facebook that everyone’s doing it so I thought I’d give it a go. Plus, given how things ended with Gavin, and seeing as I’ve actually made NY resolutions this year, it might be a good idea to give myself somewhere to record my feelings and then I can look back later and see how I’m doing.
For the time being, I’m keeping this blog private. I need somewhere to put down my thoughts and feelings without anyone reading them, or trying to offer advice or anything like that. I need to just get things out of my head, and hopefully seeing my thoughts in black and white in front of me might make it easier to work out what I’m doing and where I’m going. I need to get on with my life, and hopefully this blog will help me work out some plans for the future. I’ve already got a few –
New Year’s Resolutions:
1. Lose weight – at least 1 stone
2. Pay bills on time – no more arrears!
3. Stop biting nails
4. Finish NVQ
5. Save for trip to New York
6. Remember birthdays – buy birthday book
7. Join the gym
Nothing earth-shattering there, but it’s a start!
I’ve finally written my letter to Gavin’s mum and told her the truth about what happened, rather than Gavin’s edited version of it. I only posted it on Monday so with the usual seasonal back-log and the Bank Holiday she probably hasn’t got it yet, but I feel so much better about it all now – writing it all down was very cathartic. I think I can even forgive him now, too, which is new. Hopefully this means that I’m moving on.
I still fancy Jamie like mad. I know he’s married and it’s obvious he adores his wife and their little girl, but a girl can look, can’t she? I wish I didn’t find him so attractive – I get all flustered when he’s around, and I know it’s never going to go anywhere, so it’s a complete waste of time – but he’s just so bloody gorgeous. He came in wearing a new red jumper yesterday and I couldn’t take my eyes off him – had to take myself off to the laundry room to clear my head. Lisa said he’d had it for Xmas, and she said he had a lovely new aftershave on too but I didn’t let myself get close enough to get a whiff …. might have lost control if I had.
Christmas and New Year seem to have flown by in a flash, even with the two weeks I had off. Coming back to work yesterday I felt like I hadn’t been away! The Xmas party was good, but I was gutted that J wasn’t there. I know he doesn’t do those things, but I’d hoped he might have had a change of heart. He said yesterday that his little girl had been poorly on New Year’s Eve so I don’t suppose he got to do much then either, even at home. Darren snatched a kiss under the mistletoe; nice kisser, nice looker, but he’s not J. [sigh] <- I wish this thing had the little smiley faces and things that you get with MSN!
Work is going fine. The kids we’ve got at the moment are a rowdy bunch but they’re no trouble really and we’re all working really well together now that Maxine has left. We’ve all come to realise what a negative affect she’d had on us as a team, and Jamie made a point of telling us to not keep worries to ourselves again like we’d been doing. He’s so good – so much better than Barry was as a manager – and so lovely with it. The only downside is that Vinnie now thinks he should be Deputy Manager and he’s a bit grumpy that that’s not happened, but I’m sure J and the Area Director (AD for short) will be doing something about that. Not sure I want V as DM, to be honest – he’s too bossy as it is – but hey ho it’s not for me to decide.
With it being Friday I worked the late shift today, so no drinks night for me tonight. I’m not that bothered, if I’m honest – I’m sure if I cut down on booze it will help with the weight loss plan, and it’s mostly talk about work stuff that’s already been talked about during the day, and I’m usually just sitting there wishing that Jamie would join us. The fact that he’s a devoted family man does nothing to detract me from lusting over him. I am a bad, bad woman.
I’m off to bed now. I bought a new duvet and cover at lunch time, and it’s all soft and snuggly. I will NOT think about snuggling under there with J ……
Wednesday 16 January
I’ve been resisting the urge to write about Jamie every day. Every time I’ve sat down to write something new here, the only thing that’s come to mind has been some thought or ‘news’ of him, and I really need to not go there. But … I’ve been booked on a training course on 31st January …. and J will be going too! He’s offered to drive, and Lisa, Ben and I will go with him. I’ll have to make B or L sit in the front. It’s a full day training course (9 – 4.30) so including the drive there and back I’ll get nearly nine hours with him. Will I be able to concentrate?????
Gavin’s mum rang me on Sunday. She was lovely, and she said she’d suspected that G had been glossing over things. Bastard. We talked for ages, not just about him, and she said I sounded so much happier now. Bless her.
Hayley says I should be nice to Darren and go out with him. She doesn’t know about my feelings for J. No-one does (although I think Lisa might suspect).
Sunday 27 January
The Burns Night do at the Pig and Whistle on Friday was brilliant. We’d tried to persuade J to come, him being Scottish and all, but he declined. I was going to say ‘declined graciously’ because he did, as always, but how bloody besotted does that make me sound? I’m rolling my eyes at myself. We had a great time, though, and I’ve even discovered a liking for haggis!
I can’t remember how it came up, but Ben said that J’s family still live in Scotland, and his dad’s got Alzheimer’s. It made me think of Mum, and I got a bit tearful, and Ben was so sweet and apologetic, bless him. Why are all the nice ones unavailable?
Tuesday 29 January
Lucy rang from the airport while I was at work this morning, reminding me that all her hotel and excursion details are on that email she sent me last week. She sounded so excited, and I just wish I was going with her. Roll on August and the trip to New York 🙂 We got a bit tearful when she was saying goodbye though – four weeks is a long time for her to be away on her own and even if she is older than me I still worry about her travelling alone. I made her promise to ring me every time she changes hotel.
Saturday 2 February
OMG! Training day on Thursday was fantastic! The training was actually quite interesting and I learned a lot, but more importantly I got to talk with J outside of our normal work environment and it was lovely. Not just me, obviously – we were quite a big group and at lunch-time we all ate together – but there were a couple of times when it was just me and him talking and I didn’t get all flustered like I normally do, so that’s progress.
This is what I’ve learned about the very delicious J.A.MacD:
– He grew up near Glasgow and went to Glasgow Uni. That’s where he met his wife.
– He was a Social Worker before he came to work for our charity, and he started with us as a project co-ordinator and has worked his way up to manager. He’s been with us for 3 years.
– He was promoted to manager at our project last May, so he’d only been there for three months before I started. I thought it was longer.
– He likes music and dancing and cycling and low-budget films and reading. (This made me swoon.)
– His favourite meal is chicken arrabiatta which he can make from scratch (another swoon).
– His middle name is Alasdair (swanky!) and he’s 36 (37 in April but I don’t know the date)
– He smelt bloody lovely – Obsession for Men